on being humbled

Today's blessing:
A kid who always greets me with a smile and a "Mama!" (or sometimes a "Dada," which I'll take, too) after a long day of work.

Friends, I am disappointed in myself. I allowed myself to play the martyr, and, if I hadn't gotten caught before clicking the "Publish" button, I could have hurt a lot of people who are very dear to me.

I threw myself a little pity party; a "Woe is me, I don't get to spend every minute of every day watching the miracle that is my perfect child grow and learn and explore even though for some reason I feel entitled to do so. Why do they get to stay home and play all day while I have to work?"

Entitlement...what a nasty trap that is. "They" are the stay at home moms and even work from home moms of whom I am often jealous. Let me state, right now, that I know there is a difference. Also, I know that "stay at home mom" is a full time job in itself. I have tremendous respect for those women. Yes, I am jealous of them at times, but not because I think their lives are so much easier than mine. I once read a comment that one of my facebook friends shared that said "If you think being a stay at home mom is so easy, why don't you do it?" I wanted to throw something. But that's another entry in itself.

Then there are the work from home moms. While I do not get to spend as much time with my baby as some of these moms, I do have the luxury of leaving my work behind me every day. Once I get home, it's all about family (and some cooking and cleaning, of course). My work-from-home cousin once said that it would probably be better for her son to go to daycare, because then he could play with the other kids instead of watching another Mickey movie.

Yes, I have it good. My work is fulfilling and fits into an 8-4 schedule. My baby gets to spend her days in the second best situation I can imagine. She doesn't resent me for leaving her, and she has great friends to play with. My husband is great about saying, "Let's play with a baby this evening, and I'll do the dishes tomorrow." He's also great about saying, "Let me take the baby so you can go for a run/do some writing/take a shower."

I've said it before, but I'll say it over and over. My daughter is raising a mommy who is so grateful for every moment she gets to spend crawling around on the floor or holding tiny fingers so a little one can practice going up and down the stairs or making goofy noises while propelling a spoonful of yogurt towards a tiny five-toothed mouth. Yes, my life is good.